Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I were one of those perfect and neat people I see everywhere all the time. Those who are always well groomed, with a combed hair, nothing out of place, the lipstick always on, smelling good, clothes ironed, upright posture, constantly feeling secure and self-assured, never wet and sweated or feeling uneasy, knowing exactly where to put their hands and how to stand up properly. Those who never drool while laughing, know how to drink socially, never presenting bad breath or stinky feet, speaking easily and delightfully at all times, never gagging or stumbling, never saying one wrong word, always glowing, their white clothing really white, with an impeccable smile, never displaying the unpleasant sight of an eye gunk, never spitting saliva or any other viscous corporeal fluid at anyone, never snoring loud, and always having the perfect answer at just the right time.
Unfortunately, I belong to that ‘other’ group of people. The ones who are always, inescapable untied, uneven, messed up, with a disheveled hair - and it is not even breezy - no lipstick on after five minutes of talking or eating, too much or no perfume at all, the clothes always wrinkled, looking awfully hunched even when laying down, all sweated even when it is winter, nervously wobbly, dreadful clumsy, with two left hands and feet, always releasing an accidental drool when laughing out loud, always drinking too much and then hugging the toilet and sobbing boisterously, or laughing out of control. The ones who need to be constantly checking for garlic breath, who can not wear tennis shoes without socks, who speak in a choke, hesitantly, stuttering, or committing basic grammar mistakes or any other verbal communication gaffes, always showing notable dark circles under their eyes, and inflamed zits on the tip of their noses, their white garments always tawny, always having to worry if there are not showing a speck of food in between their teeth. The ones who wink with slimy eyes, are always spitting or sneezing - not on purpose - on other peoples’ faces, snoring loud, becoming speechless or mumbling silly words, and only thinking of the perfect answers two hours later.