I collect cookbooks even though I don’t cook that much or so well. Owning these books is a pleasure. I like to look through them, flip their pages, peeking at recipes and pictures. My favorites are the old ones, with their smell, stains, worn out pages and stories.
My mother on the other hand had a collection of recipes written down in notebooks and binders filled with detachable sheets, for she has always been a very busy and practical woman, with no spare time to waist. Her recipes binders were as practical as her frantic routine required. She had no time to go through books. Her recipes were collected from family traditional cooking and exchanged among friends, and were assured to work.
I loved to flip through her notebooks and binders. The pages were stained and smelled like my childhood home. Also, I liked to read my mother’s interesting handwriting, which showed her personality - a busy woman, with no time or patience for long hours in the kitchen, but who was still interested in having a collection of recipes.
When I bought my first personal computer in 1987, my enthusiasm for the electronic typewriter made me start a daring project of rewriting all my mom’s notebooks and recipes sheets. What a nerve! I could start giving many explanations for the reasons why the project failed, but honestly I need to say that the most important of these reasons was my lack of typing skills, which made the writing process slower than a tortoise trotting. Secondly, the amount of recipes was substantial and it ended up looking like an endless job. And finally, my mother’s recipes were so appealing and delicious, that I had to run in despair to the kitchen looking for something to eat every time I finished typing one of them.
One of those recipes, though, made me laugh vigorously and loud. My mother has always been a hard worker woman. She retired from her regular office job in 1982, and has continuied working as a freelancer since then. It is never too much to emphasize that she was, and still is, a very active, busy and practical woman, to whom going straight to the point was a matter of saving time.
Thus, this is the wonderful recipe, which made me laugh and was never forgotten:
Sausages with Sauerkraut [from Maria José]
Buy the sauerkraut ready to eat at any deli and serve with the sausages.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I were one of those perfect and neat people I see everywhere all the time. Those who are always well groomed, with a combed hair, nothing out of place, the lipstick always on, smelling good, clothes ironed, upright posture, constantly feeling secure and self-assured, never wet and sweated or feeling uneasy, knowing exactly where to put their hands and how to stand up properly. Those who never drool while laughing, know how to drink socially, never presenting bad breath or stinky feet, speaking easily and delightfully at all times, never gagging or stumbling, never saying one wrong word, always glowing, their white clothing really white, with an impeccable smile, never displaying the unpleasant sight of an eye gunk, never spitting saliva or any other viscous corporeal fluid at anyone, never snoring loud, and always having the perfect answer at just the right time.
Unfortunately, I belong to that ‘other’ group of people. The ones who are always, inescapable untied, uneven, messed up, with a disheveled hair - and it is not even breezy - no lipstick on after five minutes of talking or eating, too much or no perfume at all, the clothes always wrinkled, looking awfully hunched even when laying down, all sweated even when it is winter, nervously wobbly, dreadful clumsy, with two left hands and feet, always releasing an accidental drool when laughing out loud, always drinking too much and then hugging the toilet and sobbing boisterously, or laughing out of control. The ones who need to be constantly checking for garlic breath, who can not wear tennis shoes without socks, who speak in a choke, hesitantly, stuttering, or committing basic grammar mistakes or any other verbal communication gaffes, always showing notable dark circles under their eyes, and inflamed zits on the tip of their noses, their white garments always tawny, always having to worry if there are not showing a speck of food in between their teeth. The ones who wink with slimy eyes, are always spitting or sneezing - not on purpose - on other peoples’ faces, snoring loud, becoming speechless or mumbling silly words, and only thinking of the perfect answers two hours later.