What can I do? It’s part of who I am, and I have been doing it since I was six. It is a habit hard to break. All my efforts to stay away from it in the past twelve years were futile. I always go back to it, for is when I’m doing it that I feel relaxed and happy. I understand it is not good for me, and it is taking me away from enjoying more healthy and closer relationships with people. It is also keeping me from sharing my life with a lot of folks I already know.
I feel ashamed, for I can’t stay away from it and will do anything to continuing doing it. I am aware of the consequences of insisting on this habit. I am perfectly conscious that it is only making me feel like an outcast, isolating me from what really matters, and making me live in an unreal world. Everything is very clear in my mind, and I am even alarmed, sure that I should start acting against it now, before it becomes too late.
How can I know all the bad things it is doing to me and still insisting in continuing this senseless behavior? What is this powerful force that keeps me under control? What do I need to do in order to break free of this dependency? Is there a treatment? Is there a cure? I don’t want to become an statistic, nor want to end up secluded in a ghetto.
I am convinced that some action needs to be taken, and it has to be done right here, right now! No more writing in Portuguese, my dear me! From now on, you are going to be writing in English – your very new, first and only language!
[yeah, right… as if…. dream on…!]